FWB

I had a conversation with a few friends last weekend about casual romantic encounters and the ability to become physically intimate with someone without necessarily being emotionally attached to them.

It was late Saturday night, so I don’t think I was as articulate as I should have been. Which is why I hope they read this essay by Joel Walkowski. He brings up the same issues with much more eloquence than I had. For example, on transient romance:

For my generation, friendship often morphs into a sexual encounter and then reverts to friendship the next day. And it’s easy as long as you don’t put yourself on the line or try too hard.

And more, on expectations and maturity:

Maybe it’s just that we have learned nothing can compare to the perfect moment of the unexpected hookup — wet lips on the beach, lying in the sand — and so we aim to accumulate as many as possible. Or maybe we’re simply too immature to commit. That has been the rap against guys forever, but now women think the same way. With the world (and the world of sex) at our fingertips, it’s difficult to choose, to settle, to compromise.

I’d recommend reading the whole essay not only for Joel’s insight, but for its lyricism as well. And then let me know what you think of it.

Is Victoria’s Secret too sexy?

The old adage of “sex sells” is impossible to refute. So when Victoria’s Secret CEO Sharen Turney started blaming poor sales figures on being “too sexy,” I was a bit taken aback, a bit stunned.

But she may have a point.

I was tipped off to Turney’s comments on a recent post by Melissa Shum on her excellent blog Just Cuz I’m A Girl:

Interestingly enough though, CEO Sharen Turney has not blamed this issue on the outrageous gas prices or the plummeting economy. Instead she claims that the Victoria’s Secret brand has lost touch with it’s sophistication and femininity by being “too young” and “too sexy”.

While it may seem ludicrous at first to associate lingerie store woes with oversexiness, Turney may have a point.

I have spoken to many women, young and old, who feel intimidated to enter Victoria’s Secret because they don’t feel as though they fit the image that the company has crafted in the past few years. While in the past, Victoria’s Secret’s products have been known as dependable, sophisticated, well-made, and sexy, the present focus on solely ‘sexy’ may alienate some customers looking for affordable yet alluring lingerie.

It’s not only the women I spoke to who feel that the store has gone “too sexy”: surprisingly, most of the men I spoke to share the same sentiment. While Victoria’s Secret may have started as a store where men could feel comfortable purchasing lingerie for their wives, men entering the store now are looked upon as fixated on the Victoria’s Secret Angels (a stigma brought on by the sexiness of the marketing of the brand) rather than looking for quality underwear and sleepwear for their partners.

I’m not saying that Victoria’s Secret needs to stop advertising its products as sexy — after all, sexiness is pretty inherent to the concept of lingerie these days — but I am saying that they need to re-evaluate their message among their core customers. Women I have spoken to shop at the store for quality and sophistication, as well as attractiveness. Men may love the sultry advertising, but when it comes to purchasing lingerie, most of the men I spoke to look for simplicity and ease of purchase.

Victoria’s Secret has done a great job in convincing us that it can bring sexy back, but still hasn’t proven to me that it can bring utility along with its sensuality. There are ways to combine practical messaging with tantalizing advertising. Like Melissa says, perhaps it is “time for a revamp in the Victoria’s Secret marketing department.”